It was already going to be weird enough that this was going to be the first Thanksgiving without my mother.  Then with my boyfriend’s mother’s medical issues we thought the big Thanksgiving meal might be cancelled (it turns out it’s still happening at their house, but we’ll be doing the cooking instead of his mother).

Then when we went to visit my brother today, we went through the mail and found some more beneficiary paperwork to fill out plus a card addressed to my mother from a former coworker of hers.  This was someone I knew she was friends with, but since I only knew his first name and he wasn’t listed by his first name in her phone book, I never knew how to get in touch with him.  So now I do, and now I have to write to him and tell him that she died several months ago, which is going to be depressing.

After going over our usual conversation topics with my brother, including whether or not he’s tried to cook anything with the cookbook we bought for him yet (he hasn’t) and whether or not he’s taken any of our suggestions that would lead to a decreased use of Axe Body Spray and the possible salvation of the ozone layer (he SORT OF did — he bought stick deodorant but not antiperspirant), we were getting ready to go.

And then my brother asked if we were planning to do anything special … you know … TODAY.  And I figured out he must mean because it’s my mother’s birthday.  And then we had this weird conversation about my mother which was mostly weird because he talked to us about her in a way that I know he never talked to her directly.  I left there feeling kind of irritated and agitated, because it was yet another example of people in my family sitting on their feelings for months or years at a time, and then suddenly blurting out how they really feel before clamming up again.  I have no idea if that was a Latvian thing or just a Mom thing, but in any case we tend to keep our emotions in check around each other.  I do know that part of the reason I’ve always had a tendency to pour my heart out to my friends and boyfriends was because I couldn’t do it at home.

All I’m saying is that if he actually felt that our mother was a wonderful and strong person and one of the best people on the planet, it would have been nice if he’d actually told her that rather than leaving a birthday card on the table for her but not actually speaking to her.


And now it’s time to gear up for a very busy week which will include a bunch of school visits in and out of the library, plus Thanksgiving prep, Thanksgiving itself, and the ever-popular period known as Recuperating From Thanksgiving …